Thursday, March 10, 2011

Spoiler Alert! of a different sort

Last night we ate okonomiyaki, kind of the bastard-child of a pancake and a pizza. Take a cup of flour, add an egg and some water, and mix. Then toss in various cut seafood and lay a circle of fatty pork on the griddle and pour the mix over it and cook it like a flapjack. Pour Okonomiyaki sauce over it (you can get it at most Asian groceries), sprinkle on some powdered seaweed and shaved bonito (dried fish, not freshly barbered!) and enjoy. Pretty tasty, actually.

This morning I went to take care of my duty to Mother Nature, providing nutrients for future generations of vegetables, and...

Call in the HazMat team boys, we got us a stinker!

Sorry to be indelicate, but it's something no expats mention that can really freak you out. You eat something exotic, and either enjoy it or grimace in the imitation of a smile until you can excuse yourself and drive the nearest porcelain bus. What you don't take into account is the morning after...

Totally different food chemistry makes for totally different... ...used-food chemistry.
Number 1 or Number 2.
"My shit don't stink?" Even that's cultural!

I used to think that the Japanese had different bodies than us Amerikunz, 'cuz the men's John (is that supposed to be capitalized?) smelled so bad. Then one day my body did an imitation, and I had to go get some Western food. Hit the John at the same time as your friend (who happened to be named, you guessed it, John...), and you can play "Guess the Dinner!" from the urinal smell.

I even know one girl who thought she was sick and took a day off work to go to the hospital. Talk about mortifying. Go to the hospital, then add the stress of talking about an embarrassing subject to the stress of communicating with a doctor who may or may not speak English when you don't really speak Japanese very well yet, if at all, and then be told, "Nope, that's just the normal end-product of soy sauce and mayonnaise."


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