Priorities change...

{Sing with me! Bend back slightly, palms raised to heaven, head back, eyes rolled up until only the whites show}...

"Oh, happy day!"
--"Oh, happy day!"

{In a bigger voice, bending low, then reaching high, trying to place your palms flat on the ceiling and belly-bump the person in front of you out the door}...

"OH, HAP・PY DayAY!"
--"Oh, happy day!"

{Lean forward a bit and really belt it out now}...

"When CostCo comes!"
--"When CostCo comes!"

"When CostCo comes!"
--"When CostCo co.... ...What?!?!?"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


I found this jewel on the internet today. It's a building permit for a new CostCo warehouse to be built in Tarumi Ward, west Kobe.

"Bit deal!", you say?

"Philistine!", says I. "Ingrate! Spoiled American with warehouse stores like CostCo, HomeDepot and Best Buy dotting your every horizon like gigantic monolithic lunch boxes! I hate you! You with your WalMart, your Target boutique, your WholeFoods!"

Why so vitriolic?

• Because it's expensive, living here! And because I have to drive over an hour to reach the CostCo in Osaka, paying about $25 in tolls to do so (and hence only manage to go 2 or 3 times a year...).
• Because a 70/30 ground beef/pork mix costs me $7.50/lb, and loses 30% of its weight in fat when cooked...
• Because soft drinks are $1 each... on sale...
• Because I can't get some western foods without ordering them from personal importers and waiting anywhere from a week to a month for delivery. And most others, I just can't get at all...
• Because J. detergents are less powerful than Dawn, Joy, Downy or MisterClean...
• Because 6" tortillas at the only supermarket that carries them around here cost $4.50 for 5. Not 5 packs, mind you, just 1-, 2-, 3-, 4-, five!
• Because people here eat fish for breakfast, and have never heard of grits (neither has CostCo - oh, well)...
  
• Because the oh-so-antonymically-named (my word, I invented it! Pay royalties here!) MaxValu down the street charges $2/bagel, $18/lb for cheddar cheese, and $10/lb for tasteless sausages...
• Because Honeydew melons cost $5 for cheap, half-rotten, softball-sized ones, and regularly cost $30-100... EACH!

Have I made my point yet? I rest my case....

Valentine's Day is here (and gone... burp!)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hmmm? I'm a day late? Look, do you want this candy or not?!

Anyways, Valentine's in Japan is a whole 'nother barrel of monkeys. It reminds you just how male-oriented this society can be at times. It's not a romantic holiday, but rather one of obligation. Sounds like quite a few marriages you know? Well....

OK, history lesson: Valentine's Day came to Japan in 1936, introduced by the Morozoff confectionary company in hopes of boosting chocolate sales. That's it, lesson over!

To start with, the ladies give the men chocolate, the men don't reciprocate (always wanted to stick that word in). And they don't just give it to the guy they want to jump. They give it to pretty much all the men in their life. Their boss gets a big one. Their male coworkers, even some of their neighbors. A woman will give out anywhere from 10-30 sets of chocolate on that day, with probably all but 2 or 3 (if she plays around....) "giri (obligation) choco".

School-aged girls give "friend" chocolate to all their friends and fellow club members, "tomo (friend) choco", and woe betide the girl who forgets to give to even one of the club upperclassmen. They also give to their home-room teacher, if male, or any other male teacher they may like (no, no, this isn't Lolita!... usually... I hope!).

And men have pressure of their own on this day. It's like when we were kids and used to count our Valentine's Day cards. Well, some men even go so far as to buy their own "giri choco", and place it on their desk (unfortunately this transparent ploy rarely works, it just ends up looking pathetic - no, really, that's what I've heard!).

I love Valentine's Day! Not only do I get the occasional "giri choco" from students and the wife, but I look like a true romantic that my lady students judge their husbands against when I tell them that I always buy chocolates for my wife. Talk about a 'Win-win' situation.

Then there's "White Day", March 14th, which is when men return the obligation by giving back white chocolates to all the women who gave them chocolates on Valentine's. And if you forget, things will be frosty in the office...

Setsubun

So, today is Setsubun. "What's Setsubun?" you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked that question. (Not really, I just thought I'd make you feel speshul)

Setsubun is a Japanese rite to welcome the coming of Spring, kinda the Far East version of Puxta... puckta... Whatever-the-fukta-tawney Phil.

First you have to eat a large sushi roll, facing SSE this year, saying nothing until you've finished the whole roll; which is a good idea since you can't really say much with a 4-in-diameter sushi in your mouth anyways (ask Linda Lovelace!).

Then someone puts on a demon mask and runs around the house while everyone else throws dried soy beans at them and chants "Oni wa sotoh, fookoo wa oochi". Bad spirits out, good fortune in. Then you all eat your age in beans, let the dog hoover up the rest, and head to bed.

And during the night, those dried beans cause some bad spirits to come out, all right...